Dear Beautifully Mediocre Body,
I need to start off by saying, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such a hater lately, I’m just in one of those slumps. One of those slumps where I just don’t feel comfortable in you, in my own skin.
I’ve gained back a majority of the weight we lost for the wedding and am just feeling very meh.
It’s not your fault though. You don’t decide what I feed you or how often I work out, which we both know isn’t as much as I should. But you get all the shaming for the aftermath of those decisions.
I think you will agree that what I put in you is, overall, pretty healthy. I don’t feed my family a ton of processed foods, I make sure to get in my veggies and my protein. I even add in extras like superfood smoothies and chia seeds…
But sometimes I fail.
Sometimes I give you nothing but mac n cheese and coffee with way too much sugar. Sometimes it’s the holidays and I have to taste test every batch of banana bread. Sometimes Everest forgets what sleep is and I don’t make a healthy home cooked meal, because I’m just too tired.
Sometimes it’s girl scout cookie season and… well I just love girl scout cookies.
Sometimes I look at you in the mirror and I get overwhelmed. When did you get so… loose? You’re looking a little saggier and a decent amount bigger than I’m used to and things just aren’t sitting where they once were.
You look almost foreign to me.
Where did that always swim suit ready, much tighter, much less flawed body go?
I go to get dressed in the morning sometimes and I see all those clothes I just can’t part with. Our favorite pair of jeans, the cute tops we would wear for a night out, the drawers filled with clothes that aren’t leggings and oversized sweaters. And I get a little sad that you don’t fit in them like you used to.
Sometimes I even cry.
I cry as I sit hunched over in the closet trying to find something to wear that doesn’t hug our pouch the wrong way or cling in weird places.
But then, something happens…
That little human we created, remember him? He needs me. He needs us. To scoop him up and hold him and kiss him and dance with him in the living room.
And then I remember how incredibley grateful I am for you.
Remember all those months of stretching and gaining weight and worrying and planning? Me too. I remember watching you change and being awestruck at your ability to do exactly what you were supposed to do week after week.
I remember feeling strong and empowered as we brought that tiny human, you worked so hard to grow, into this world.
You did so good.
And even if sometimes I’m a hater of you in all of your post baby glory, I love you. I am so thankful for what you have given me.
I am so thankful for your ability to grow life. And I am thankful for your ability to feed and nourish that life. Even if it left us looking a little deflated<3
I am thankful for being able to run and to play and to snuggle and to comfort.
Because that tiny human, he doesn’t care if you’re a size 4 or a size 10. He loves you, which makes me love you even more.
So, my dear beautifully mediocre mom bod, I promise to try and be more kind when I look at you.
I promise to give you more grace and less criticism.
I promise to do my best to fuel you with all the healthy things, so we can keep up with that perfect tiny human you worked so hard to create. And so that we hopefully can grow a few more<3
I promise to work on self-love, because you deserve it.
The thing is, when it comes down to it, you’re not really mediocre at all… you’re pretty extraordinary.
The Beautifully Mediocre Mama